And they're off!

The republican primaries and caucuses are sounding more and more like a horse race every day. Guess it's the only way they can keep their faces in front of the public and their insane views of the world going. Think I'm off on that last statement? Consider that when George W. was making speeches someone threw a hand grenade at him at one speech. The Shrub finally had to resort to speaking only in front of a military audience because they, our military, are bound by law not to disagree with him while he's speaking. That would be insubordination on their part. Obama spoke to cheering fans perhaps because he had replaced the Shrub and because they also knew stupidity had left the building. But I digress this is about a horse race so let me set the stage.

While the crowd is settling into their seats with their iced glasses of mint juleps, ladies are adjusting their over sized hats while the men fumble for the binoculars, the candidates are busy trotting around the paddock. Raising money while burning evidence of their past is tough work in the preparation for this race and is no easy job for this field. The contestants are finally ready and parading to the Iowa gate but wait folks there's been a bit of a spill. Seems Mr. 999 has slipped on a bra that's some how made it onto the track. A group of ladies is approaching insisting that it's theirs and demands his disqualification. Red faced Mr. 999 trots back to the stable but scuffing his hoof says he isn't finished yet. But we know better.
At the gate we have Mint RawMoney at the pole position followed by Sanitarium in the number two spot. Other slots are followed with Eye of Newt, MorRon (what century is this) Paul, Bushs' dumber Cousin Perry, and the lesser candidates Bachawkmann, and Jon (am I in the right party?) Huntsman. Good N Palenty a late entry had to be scratched because he couldn't come up with the entry fee.

The contestants are in position and the race is about to start. The gates have opened and it looks like Mint RawMoney has jumped to an early lead. Close behind is Eye of Newt followed by Sanitarium. But wait folks Mint RawMoney has turned to Newt and is whipping and throwing mud at the second place contender. Mint must have saddle bags full of the stuff as Newt quickly looses his spot. Sanitarium has now gained the second spot and this could be a close finish. Bringing up the rear far out of sight is, Bushs' dumber Cousin, Bachawkmann and Huntsman. MorRon slides into a distant third place and Eye of Newt fourth.
As RawMoney, Sanitarium, MorRon, and Newt round the far turn it looks like a very close race indeed. They come down to the home stretch pushing and shoving jockeying for position. And at the finish it's RawMoney declared the winner by a nose. That was until after the start of the next race when officials did a review and declared Sanitarium the winner instead. While the other candidates pushed on and prepared for the next race MorRon remained behind to gain support from the officials. Some of the officials will be at the Derby to determine the final champion. A sneaky move for the MorRon.

And seeing as how this is Presidents' Day I'd almost bet that our former leaders are rolling in their graves if they could witness what's going on today.