Yazzanaxatumsalax (try saying that three times real fast)
Never in the annals of pharmaceutical science has such a unique and multifaceted approach to the plethora of problems of life in this hectic fast paced modern times. But now through months of extensive research the good folks at Krelm Drugs LLC* have come up with what is believed to be the ultimate break through. A simple capsule taken once daily to treat and relieve the following symptoms, ailments and other life's problems:
Birth control
Anti-depressant
Antacid
Breath freshener
Laxative
ED treatment
Hair restorer
That's right the multilayered capsule contains just about everything from the medicine cabinet we could squeeze into a pill and still be capable of passing through to the stomach. Highly tested** this medication has been proven mostly safe and moderately digestible (hence the addition of antacid) and recommended by doctors*** the world over. Developed by a Dr. Drake the renowned ear nose and foot specialist while he was on the run..er..sabbatical in darkest Africa. Formulated from the purest of mine tailings from the copper mines of Mozambique.
This highly sought after medication can only be had through our special internet offer. With just three easy payments of $399 left under the third stone next to the tree by the bridge in Central Park. Place your order (cash only) in a plain envelope marked "Nigerian Prince". (You didn't think he'd leave an electronic trail to follow now did you?)
Warnings - May cause bloating, rash, hives, enlarged nipples, heart palpitations, ringing in the ears, and an increase risk of fungal infections. If an erection lasts more than 4 hours find more women.
*Operates from a Liberian registered oil tanker somewhere off the coast of Africa.
**Tested on Mbuti pygmy convicts of central Africa.
*** Nigerians with online degrees. If you pay them the ransom they will release your daughter.
7 comments:
Re: side effects. You forgot a ride with the boatman on the river Styx.
That particular side effect will cost you extra.
I'll stick with my Natural Light.
What, it doesn't make you bullet proof?
Ah yes beer god's invention for ugly men and women.
"Warnings - May cause bloating, rash, hives, enlarged nipples, heart palpitations, ringing in the ears, and an increase risk of fungal infections."
No problemo! One daily capsule of Troijsdfixtine will cure all of those ailments instantly. However, Troijsdfixtine may cause depression, constipation, bad breath, baldness and pregnancy.
I know you're doing humor, and it's pretty good, Demeur. But I'm going to sound a serious note, because you've touched on a real and growing problem.
One of the very special features of today's dual-purpose or multipurpose medications is that if a reaction or nasty side effect occurs, the doctor usually has no way to know which component of the medication was responsible. That can make it hard to treat the reaction or side effect, if necessary. It can also leave him or her scratching their head about prescribing any of the components at a later date.
The other thing is that these multi medications can lead to doubling or tripling up on ingredients that do the same thing. That can cause problems, potentially serious ones sometimes. Some poor guy who feels he's at death's door with a bad cold takes a decongestant that also contains Tylenol. In his befuddled state, he doesn't realize about the included Tylenol, so he pops a couple of Tylenol capsules to ease his aches and pains. Then, for good measure, he takes some Robitussin for his cough, not noticing that it now includes a dose of decongestant, and not the same one in decongestant capsule he took.
So, if this guy runs into trouble, good luck figuring out exactly what, and how much of it, is in his system, and which or what combination is responsible for whatever reaction or problem he's having.
My advice: whenever possible, take separate, individual medications for what ails you. If you go to a doctor, make him/her aware of anything you've taken at home, and ask if that should still be taken along with anything prescribed. Finally, if the doc prescribes a combination medication, ask if you can get the components separately instead.
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