It's Friday and you know what that means?

It's the Friday pussies.

A Christmas Carol part three

Act III The ghost of Christmas future

The Boner back in his leather chair once again farted and rubbed his stomach.
"Must have been that stale sandwich I had for lunch." he thought.
As he was about to get up from his chair the windows suddenly went black and the lights dimed. His heavy oak door creeked open and in sauntered Ronald Reagan with a black hood covering his head and face. Without a word the ominus figure raised his boney hand motioning the Boner to follow him. In a slow motion flash they landed in a hallway of an old nursing home. There before him was his future self sitting in a gold plated geri chair with a cashmire lap blanket a glassy stare as he gaulked at on of the hallway lights.

"Sad" said the nurse "No one comes to see him anymore" "He just sits there for hours on end staring at the hallway lights."
"And to think" said the aid " He made all that money when he was in congress". "Wonder what they'll do with it all?"
"I heard that since he has no living relatives that the state will give it to poor children with no health coverage"
And there the old Boner sat drool running down his chin staring at a light not knowing there was even a world outside.

"No no no!" the old senator was heard yelling as he slowly awoke back in his chair. "Dithers! What time is it?"
"Time to get back to the senate floor sir".
"Hot damn I didn't miss it. There's still time to put a last nail in the coffin of health care reform." bellowed the old Boner
"Did you get that dislexic reader I wanted?"
"Yes sir." said the manservant
"Good, then that damn Sanders ammendment is as good as dead." "Get me up and let's go." "Oh and don't forget to send Joe Lieberman a christmas card. Oh yea that's right he's Jewish, never mind."

fade to black

Merry Christmas folks! I hope you enjoy the lump of coal we just got from our elected officials. But please don't try and burn it because we wouldn't want to add to global warming.

Intermission 2

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A Christmas Carol Part Two

Act II The ghost of Christmas past

Little Ebonezer McConnell's parents were big fans of FDR. You see the little Boner contracted polio at a very early age and was forced to do therapy after going to Warm Springs something Roosevelt had started for the benefit of poor kids with polio. This would not do in Ebonezers' mind. We need to get rid of the riff raff of society he thought and he was just the person to do it. When all of these socialist programs were in full swing he hatched a plan. How to get these people to pay up the nose and get nothing in return. As he made his way through government stepping on toes and kicking anyone aside who got in his way. He was after all a member in good stand of the good ole boys netwark.

The ghost of Christmas past had little to say. Merely reached out his arm and grabbed Boner by the upper arm and they were off to his old Kentucky home.

"Nezer?" That's what his mom called him. "You will reconsider you're positions. FDR would not have been proud of you you know." said his mom.
"Nah mom I have to support the party line." "Jerry said I could have a great future if I'd just be more conservative". "I know I'll back that new kid Raygun." "I always liked playing with rayguns."
"Nezer you promise me you'll be more compassionate like Roosevelt and stop hanging around with that bad crowd. Those republicans won't amount to anything if you ask me." said his mom.
"Ah mom, but with the republicans I'm makin more money that you and Dad put together." touted the young Boner.

And a montage of the good times flashed before his eyes. Of back room deals and money laundering through campaign committees. Of D.C. cocktail parties and setting policy that benefited his friends in business. It was an orgasm of power and money from the memories of his youth.
Then there was the scene of Tiny Tim Geithner working his way up the financial food chain. Happy as a lark he was following the direction of his masters Bush and Cheney. He just knew the good times would never end. Tim worked hard to lower the amount of capital required to run a bank and that was perhaps his downfall. There was no turning back now. His fate was sealed and his time was now limited. Crippled by his own actions.

"Those were some good times. said the Boner. "Can I stay just a little longer oh please?"
"No said the ghost, these are things that can never be again, at least not for you."
"Then what will become of Tim?" "Is there any hope for him?" "Maybe we could get him off with a pardon." "We could sneak it into one of those Democrat spending bills."

But there was no more word from the ghost and once again the Boner found himself back in his leather chair.

Stay tuned for Part Three after words from our sponsers

Intermission

This play is being brought to you by these proud sponsors:

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While you're up why not head to the lobby where you can try some of our delicious stale popcorn and watered down fruit drinks. Our candy counter is amply stocked with over sized and over priced candies guaranteed to keep the dentist busy all of next year.

A Christmas Carol D.C. style

Editors note: I can only hope I can do justice to something that Distributorcap would write and sorry no cute photoshoped images of Sarah Palin or the rest of the wingnut crowd. Think of Lionel Barrymore playing a character that's a cross between Scrooge and Mr. Potter of 'It's a Wonderful Life.'

Act I - The ghost of Christmas present

The scene opens with snow flakes starting to fall outside the D.C. office of Ebonezer McConnell. From behind his heavy oak office door you can tell the "Boner" is not happy.
"Dithers have you counted the funds from the insurance lobbyists yet?" bellows the Boner.
"No Mr. McConnell, not yet."
"Well why the hell not you lazy peon?"
"I'm still counting all the gold coin from the energy companies from when Bush and Cheney were in office." whined the manservant.
"Well get your lazy ass in gear. I want to get this wrapped up before the Christmas break. The guys from Wall Street are throwing a party and I don't want to miss it. There's even a rumor that Sarah Palin will pop out of a cake. You know what that means don't you?"
"No sir."
"Means I won't have to use those free samples of Viagra I got for doing the drug companies that big favor."
"What favor would that be?"
"Are you a dunce? Why Medicare part D of course." "Just love the way they came up with that big hole in the middle. We can drain em for every penny they've got. And you know I get kick backs er.. residules if they live past two years."

As the Boner slumps back in his big leather chair for a nice after lunch nap the room goes dark and things get all starry and magical.
Enter the ghost of Christmas present played by Ed Shultz

"You know folks if we don't get a public option then health care reform as we know it is dead."
"Just look behind me at the lines here at the mobile free health care clinic we've set up."
"Is this what you want for the American people Ebonezer?"
McConnell snaps from his afternoon nap. "Why sure, it was good enough for my great grandparents so why can't people buck up and live with it?"
"BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DYING!" bellows the ghost, nearly shattering the windows.
"Are there no vouchers? Are there no free clinics?" the Boner states gruffly.

"And what's to become of Tiny Tim Geithner?" says the ghost.
"What about him?" grumbles the Boner.
"Well you take my hand and we'll go have a look" says the ghost
"I said take my hand, that's not my hand! screamed the ghost
Like a wisp of the wind the two were transported to the office of Tiny Tim.
There in a fake wood paneled office with Office Depot furniture was Tim slumped over his desk with a bottle of cheap scotch half full next to his monitor and a tipped over shot glass with it's dregs starting to stain the papers on his desk. On his computer screen was the beginning of an outline. Heading read "How to justify AIG executive bonuses." The roman numerals proceeded but nothing was written.
"Good ole Tim, injected Boner, he was almost as good as Scooter. But now his time looks like it's nearly up. Oh well that's what we do ghost. When you're part of our party you have to make sacrifices."
" Can we get on with this ghost? I need to get back to the hill to vote against any bill the Democrat party may come up with."
The ghost, "Sure as soon as you've taken my poll." "Tonight's question: Do you think Ebonezer can block any health care reform? press 1 for yes and 2 for no. The results after the third act.

Stay tuned for the next act coming soon....

Iraq robbery

Sometime in the years after the start of the Iraq war I recall reading the oil agreement that the interm government had drawn up with the U.S.(Yes I read obscure things like that because I like to know the truth.) Entirely written by the U.S. oil companies it was an obscene piece of work. I seem to remember (don't quote me on this) that the deal gave 90% of the money to the oil companies with but 10% going to the Iraqis. And I'm sure the oil companies could have taken most of the 10% with hidden fees and security costs.

The Plan
There was no real plan to rebuild Iraq. Most of that money was stolen anyway. But there sure was a plan to get the oil.
Even two years before the Iraq war started they (oil company execs and advisors) were planning this thing. This was nothing more than a home invasion robbery and a violent one at that. We cut the first line of defense. Had Dad running from the house to hid in a hole then took out his sons one by one so we could strike a deal with any remaining distant family members. For the largest asset the family had, oil. And now that we had the lions' share of the booty we leave the scraps to the rest of the world robbers waiting in the bushes.
So now we have what's left over after Haliburton got finished with the Iraqis The Scraps And the media makes it sound like these countries got most of the oil. Think again.