Sunday, February 28, 2010

An article from our friends to the north

Caught this one from our friends at the galloping beaver. Who says Canadians don't have a sense of humor?

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...........

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


BBC said...

Yeah, they do have a sense of humor, they are as crazy as we are, and fun to party with.

MRMacrum said...

Those are excellent. As a mechanic who tries to decipher the language folks use to describe their problems, this struck my funny bone especially hard.

The midget answer was my favorite.

Holte Ender said...

Canadian blogs will make good reading tomorrow, when they have recovered.

Four Dinners said...

P: Unhappy with headphones
S: Headphones apologise

I used to work at Heathrow. This is a true story re Qantas.

A Qantas flight landed in Singapore en route to Australia. Passengers are allowed to alite and stretch their legs in the passenger terminal whilst the aircraft is tidied up.

A blind passenger requested he be allowed to remain on the aircraft but could his guide dog, in the hold, be given a little excercise.

The Captain kindly consented and walked the dog around the aircraft for a few minutes.

On reboarding the Captain was advised a senior Qantas executtive was on the line for him.

"What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm sorry?"
"There are new passengers for the flight refusing to board!"
"Apparently they just saw the Captain wearing dark glasses walking around the apron with a guide do!"


Trust me I'm from Oldham...;-)

an average patriot said...

That's funny especially the last one. Love the cat!

S.W. Anderson said...

Priceless! I'm sending a copy to a pilot friend.

The one about engine No. 3 missing really got me laughing.

MadMike said...

Great!! LOL to 4Dinners!

Oso said...

Really funny!

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