Saturday, February 2, 2013

News you can't use ground pig edition


The ground pig crawls out of his hole and checks the weather report. And the reality is that a bunch of weirdoes  dressed in top hats and tails have nothing better to do than yank some poor critter out of its' nice warm den mid winter. And unless he was already awake it's a sure bet he'd like to bite somebody and run back to bed. Wouldn't you?

Ah but not to be out done I'm sure there are other prognosticating critters out there. It's said that we have a forecasting frog around here but this is a new one on me. And whoever came up with these ideas must have stayed out to late with the boys and couldn't get back in the house. If you know what I mean.

So tell me about your prognosticating pets. Is there a gopher in Georgia who beats the odds. Or maybe an anteater in Alabama (oh that's right they don't get much winter there). Maybe a moose in Montana has the inside scoop. Horse manes were once an indicator I'm told along with fussy caterpillars.  Let's face it with the shift in the magnetic poles and enough carbon belched into the air it's a wonder anybody can get anything right. No global warming you say? Ha! Tell that to the folks in the south pacific who's homes are now underwater. And it wasn't that way just a decade ago.

But what would useless news be without something about the economy. I stumbled upon a unique solution to our financial crisis. We'll pay off the debt using Zimbabwean dollars. It's the perfect solution. They have amongst their currency a $100 trillion bank note just itching to solve all our financial troubles. Think about it. Geez we'd have money left over to do it all again. You will also note that their logo has a familiar resemblance to a pile of fecal material. How appropriate.


In politics it looks like they're running out of village idiots to hold office so I guess they'll have to change the rules and start importing. The asylums are empty now you know. I'd say the brothels might be full but I don't think anybody uses those anymore, too old school. Not with senators tweeting and sexting and posting naughty self portraits on the web. And let us not forget the groupies wanting to rub more than elbows.  Hey it takes two to tango you know. 

In sports Big Pharma is busy coming up with the latest and greatest non detectable muscle enhancers. Those grid iron behemoths will try anything to get the edge. Why don't we just let Monsanto take over and have "ultimate" football and baseball? Kind of like unlimited hydro racing we have here. Picture those Goliaths if you will. 

So it's back to weather which was the start of this all. Unless something weird happens here which is a possibility then it looks like a fairly mild winter for us. And you don't need an aardvark or wolverine to make that prediction.  

3 comments:

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

Okay Demeur!
That's it!

That's alls I can stands, I can't stands no more.

Passing off a photograph of some snoozing capybara in the Amazon Basin as if it's a North American Ground Hog!
Have you no shame?

My solicitors will be in touch.

Demeur said...

Hey I never said for one minute it was a ground hog. That was your assumption. But the image of that rodentia fit perfectly.
And anyway the capybara said it was okay. He doesn't care.

Aquarians Love To Fuck said...

The capybara are like that.
Always giving of themselves!
Laid-back and easy-going.
I reckon it's all the ayahuasca they snort.