Saturday, December 24, 2011

A special Christmas post

Arrest report

Name: Santa Claus
Address: North Pole ?
Age: unknown
Aliases: Chris Cringle, Father Christmas, St Nick, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Babbo Natale, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Kanakaloka, Ded Moroz .

Hair color: white
Eyes: blue
Height: 5'8"
Weight: approx. 300lbs
Other identifying traits: White beard
Adendums: See attached photo




Arresting officer report: Subject seen wearing a dirty red fur coat climbing on roof tops with large bag of toys. When confronted subject appeared intoxicated. Face was flush and nose was red. Also suspected drug use. Subject smoking pipe with smoke all around his head. Subject unlawfully entered home on 123 Main street through chimney. Subject left toys at residence. Theft charge: Subject seen carrying glass of Coca Cola. Empty can on counter, one can missing from refrigerator. Owner indicated nothing else missing. Suspected level one child sex offender. Request mental health evaluation. When confronted subject just laughed and tried to escape through chimney. Suspected animal abuse - Suspect carrying whip had sleigh with miniature reigndeer on roof. Fire and Rescue notified. Animals removed from roof and taken to county animal shelter. Suspected radiation poisoning. Lead reigndeer had glowing nose. Hazardous Waste emergency response notified of situation. Danger determined to be low but extreme caution advised. Request contact with ASPCA for further review.



File Date: December 24,2011
Arresting officer: J. Grinch

36 comments:

BBC said...

It's going to be a real easy day for me, I've got nothing to do other than visit my friend and maybe stop at the Eagles for a beer, maybe two.

Getting a little rain here, fucking rain.

S.W. Anderson said...

LOL, that was funny, Demeur. I hope kids aren't worried about Santa being detained as an illegal alien and questioned as a potential terrorist for his unauthorized invasion of U.S. airspace.

I hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas.

S.W. Anderson said...

BBC, enjoy the beers — and catch a ride home with someone else. Remember, the state is hurting for revenue, so every DUI bust helps.

Seriously, you have a good Christmas too.

MRMacrum said...

I suppose you were called in to clean up the mess.

Happy Holidays guy. Enjoy yourself.

The Blog Fodder said...

Tanya and I visited the original church near Myra in southern Turkey where Saint Nicholas was bishop several centuries ago, back in the days of the Byzantine empire.

Quite a stretch from there to the North Pole. I'm sure someone has written a leaned history thereof and maybe someday I will look for it.

In the mean time, hope your Christmas Day is a jolly one.

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