Sunday, November 1, 2009
I always thought I was somewhat up on the latest trends. I may not do facebook or twitter or any other "in" things but pride myself on knowing what they are. Flash seems a puzzlement to me. Dirty old men flash in ankle length raincoats. Girls in New Orleans flash for beads. Flash Fridays was made popular by a radio guy. And now I find it all over the net with no real definition to be found. Urban dictionary has dozens of definitions but none that fit. Is it a rant? Is it a rave? Can it be true or is it just fiction? Randal Grave that esoteric wordsmith of evil thoughts always gets me to thinking about the dark recesses of my mind. So I'll give it a shot.
It was a plan. A truly evil plan. On a large planet somewhere out by Alpha Centori the creatures there where having problems of their own. Much on the scale of global warming of earth they were running out of food. Being a far advanced society they were smart enough to look at problems in centuries rather than years. They did after all live to be 300 of our earth years. So their overlord and his minions hatched a plan. Having received the first broadcasts of "I love Lucy" they thought what a wonderful food source the earth would make. They captured Judge Crater and found him to be quite delicious but not much meat for the effort. What to do?
It was a simple effort for them to infiltrate our advertising and food companies. A charge to fatten up the population. First they started with kids cereal. Sugar coat everything was the order of the day. Then they set about studying what graced our tables and how farm animals ate. They realized that most of our food was fattened up with corn. So king corn it would be. Have it put in everything from cookies, cakes, ice cream and hot dogs. They started with the kids first. Put corn syrup and starch in everything imaginable to fatten up the kiddies and get them hooked. But blast those kids sure did run off all those empty calories. What to do?
Make the TVs bigger and the furniture bigger and overstuffed was the order of the day. Increase the number of channels with movies more than could be watched in a lifetime. Close the playgrounds and discourage sports execpt for watching. And the next wave the increase of fast foods. Sodas that were once 8oz. then 12oz. then 16. Higher and higher to 1 litre then 2. and don't forget the chips once 1oz and now 6. And the killer of all fast food restaurants with McDonalds that sold millions to billions of first single then doubles and triples and quads. With cheeses and sauces and sides of super size fries but don't forget the ice cream dessert or fried apple turnovers.
Now their plan was going quite well but why stop there? They'd throw round 2 of their plan at us with video games and the internet where you can sit with a mouse in one hand and a burger in the other. For hours on end sitting and eating the butts they did grow big. With 1/4 of the kids now obese their plan is going well. They have us just like cattle at the trough. So I just have to wonder when it's harvest time for these higher beings. Is it halftime yet on their planet?