Monday, November 23, 2009

This one's for Dana


A man a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He lowered his altitude and spotted a woman in a boat on a lake below him.


"Excuse me, can you help me?” he shouted down to the woman. "I promised a friend I would meet her an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman consulted her portable GPS and replied: "You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude at an elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level."

The man rolled his eyes and said, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

"I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "ask a simple question and you give me this left wing liberal gobbledy gook to show off your college education. I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The woman smiled. "You must be a Republican," she said.

"I am," the man replied. "How did you know?"

"Well, you don't know where you are or where you are going,” the woman said. “You obviously have no qualifications for what you are doing and have risen to your current position because of a large quantity of hot air. You have made a promise you have no idea how to keep. You're in exactly the same position you were in before, but somehow it’s now my fault and you expect me to solve your problem and save your a$$.”

35 comments:

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NorthCountryLiberal said...

Thanks Demeur, I'll send that to some of my relatives.

Tom Harper said...

Good one.

an average patriot said...

That was good Demeur!

BBC said...

Actually, he was correct in telling her that her GPS coordinates were worthless to him.

Unless he had the proper map for the area he was in with some latitude and longitude lines on it that showed some coordinates on it and the proper ruler scale to nail down his position they mean nothing.

I own a GPS unit, an older one mind you but it's still a GPS unit.

They are pretty good in cities to show you where you are because the software is geared toward that.

But out here in the sticks my GPS unit only shows the state highways, and not any of the other streets at all.

Newer units do show more streets but not all of them. And get out in the woods like I'm always doing and they don't know shit other than numbers and you had better know what to do with those numbers.

I have the map I need, I need to find the proper ruler with the proper scale lines on it to go with it.

Without it I only know within a half mile one way or another where I'm at.

dana said...

Uh...am I the woman? the man? or the hot air balloon? lol

And by the way, I think Megaan has the hots for you.

dana said...

uh....you might want to explain it to BBC

BBC said...

I can provide you with the coordinates to where my truck is parked this very moment being as I wrote them down one day.

But unless you have the proper map for the area and the proper ruler with the proper scale on it those numbers would mean nothing to you.

Don't always depend on high tech shit being there when you need it. She could have just told him where he was, "You're just three miles and a tad southeast of Dipshitville."

BTW, Dipshitville is that a way. *points*

Maps, compasses and scales and dead reckoning was here long before all the high tech stuff. And doesn't need batteries.

Put a monkey in the woods and smash the GPS unit. Result, lost monkey.

BBC said...

Yeah, Megaan has the hots for you, ha ha ha.

Explain what to me? He already pointed out too me that I'm assaulting women with a dead weapon, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

The woman consulted her portable GPS and replied: "You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude at an elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level."

It's degrees, not minutes, minutes depend on speed to determine, degrees don't.

And she had no idea what his elevation was, unless she tossed the GPS unit up to him so he could get the reading from there.

Well, she could more or less tell him his elevation, but she would have to use old technology to tell him what it was.

At the very least she would have to use a cheap classroom ruler and know how to use it and most high tech monkeys don't.

Without their toys they are fucked. "Your elevation is 2753 feet."

*smack*

"Opps, failed to mention that I'm on a lake with an elevation of 2680 feet."

Sorry about that mess, ha ha ha.

S.W. Anderson said...

Good joke, Demeur. A little levity is most welcome right about now.

I just think the woman was lucky the balloonist didn't drop something on her once he confirmed she was an Obama Democrat.

BBC said...

Obama Democrat.

Ah, registered as a Democrat. And in this mirror is the Obama Republican.

House of mirrors.

Dusty said...

I love this! I am registered as "Decline to State"..what does that possibly say about moi? ;)

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

First of all I loved the lions-down-post!!!
But here's a lion that isn't down:
http://andersbacken.blogspot.com/2009/11/halloween-and-pear-cake-halloween-und.html
(And yes, the hair is real!!! Also the beard! Stroll down to the end of the post; you'll love the last pic!!!)

Then congrats on the BIG day - but I guess, you're still younger than my hubby!

now the Dana-post: loved the pic, but the joke was even better! Or was it a joke? too much truth in it!
Goes to show you shouldn't vote for either of these parties!!!

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

Just read BBC's comments. By the way: Hi Billy, how are you doing?!
And here's my two cents: We do have a GPS and it's priceless for identifying speed cameras!!! you should definitely buy it for that reason it very quickly pays off!!!

But for the use in urban environment: well most of the time it works alright, but twice or so we detected some incorrect info.

As for the lats and longs in real life: what is wrong with taking a look at the sun?

I usually know where I am, just instinctively, so my hubby uses me as a living GPS.

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