Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Christmas Carol D.C. style
Editors note: I can only hope I can do justice to something that Distributorcap would write and sorry no cute photoshoped images of Sarah Palin or the rest of the wingnut crowd. Think of Lionel Barrymore playing a character that's a cross between Scrooge and Mr. Potter of 'It's a Wonderful Life.'
Act I - The ghost of Christmas present
The scene opens with snow flakes starting to fall outside the D.C. office of Ebonezer McConnell. From behind his heavy oak office door you can tell the "Boner" is not happy.
"Dithers have you counted the funds from the insurance lobbyists yet?" bellows the Boner.
"No Mr. McConnell, not yet."
"Well why the hell not you lazy peon?"
"I'm still counting all the gold coin from the energy companies from when Bush and Cheney were in office." whined the manservant.
"Well get your lazy ass in gear. I want to get this wrapped up before the Christmas break. The guys from Wall Street are throwing a party and I don't want to miss it. There's even a rumor that Sarah Palin will pop out of a cake. You know what that means don't you?"
"Means I won't have to use those free samples of Viagra I got for doing the drug companies that big favor."
"What favor would that be?"
"Are you a dunce? Why Medicare part D of course." "Just love the way they came up with that big hole in the middle. We can drain em for every penny they've got. And you know I get kick backs er.. residules if they live past two years."
As the Boner slumps back in his big leather chair for a nice after lunch nap the room goes dark and things get all starry and magical.
Enter the ghost of Christmas present played by Ed Shultz
"You know folks if we don't get a public option then health care reform as we know it is dead."
"Just look behind me at the lines here at the mobile free health care clinic we've set up."
"Is this what you want for the American people Ebonezer?"
McConnell snaps from his afternoon nap. "Why sure, it was good enough for my great grandparents so why can't people buck up and live with it?"
"BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DYING!" bellows the ghost, nearly shattering the windows.
"Are there no vouchers? Are there no free clinics?" the Boner states gruffly.
"And what's to become of Tiny Tim Geithner?" says the ghost.
"What about him?" grumbles the Boner.
"Well you take my hand and we'll go have a look" says the ghost
"I said take my hand, that's not my hand! screamed the ghost
Like a wisp of the wind the two were transported to the office of Tiny Tim.
There in a fake wood paneled office with Office Depot furniture was Tim slumped over his desk with a bottle of cheap scotch half full next to his monitor and a tipped over shot glass with it's dregs starting to stain the papers on his desk. On his computer screen was the beginning of an outline. Heading read "How to justify AIG executive bonuses." The roman numerals proceeded but nothing was written.
"Good ole Tim, injected Boner, he was almost as good as Scooter. But now his time looks like it's nearly up. Oh well that's what we do ghost. When you're part of our party you have to make sacrifices."
" Can we get on with this ghost? I need to get back to the hill to vote against any bill the Democrat party may come up with."
The ghost, "Sure as soon as you've taken my poll." "Tonight's question: Do you think Ebonezer can block any health care reform? press 1 for yes and 2 for no. The results after the third act.
Stay tuned for the next act coming soon....