Saturday, September 1, 2012

We're all doomed I tell you


(Insert your own fear here)

Nothing like scaring the bejeesus out of everybody on a daily basis. Best to just turn off the news and take up knitting. On second thought.

What's to worry about? Plenty.

Swine flu
West Nile virus
Hanta virus
Ebola
HIV
HPV
Sif
Stroke
Cancer
ED
Hair loss
Vision loss
Hearing loss
The heartbreak of psoriasis
Shingles


Okay time for a break yet? Pop into the kitchen for a snack or meal. That can't kill me can it? Oh contrare.
Salmonella
E-coli
Botulism
Additives
Lead
Mercury
Melamine
Allergens
Pesticides

Okay okay I'll step outside for a breath of fresh air then.
Pollution alert
Heat wave warning
Drive by shootings
Drunk drivers
Pit bulls
Sexual predators
Muggers
Rapists
Catholic Priests

Good grief maybe I'll just sit quietly in the back yard.
Solar radiation flares
Mosquitoes
Mosquitoes carrying west nile, swine flu or who knows what?
Killer bees
Snakes
Rabid dogs
Hungry bears
Coyotes
Cougars
Cougars with jealous husbands
Nymphomaniacs? Nah!
Lawn chair recalls
Out of control aircraft
Falling astroids
Earthquakes
Tornadoes
Hurricanes
Floods
Landslides

Okay what's left?
Can't go to the mall you might get shot or the roof could cave in.
Can't see a movie the theater might be harboring a psycho or the place catches fire.
Grocery store? Hum might get in the cross fire with a disgruntled employee or former employee.
Check the mail? Might run into the postman/person and they go "postal".
Oh, let's not forget arsonists, burglars, robbers, con men, ex cons and psychotic ex and current wives, girlfriends, husbands, and boyfriends.

Alright then I'll just sit here typing my meandering thoughts and wonder about who might be hacking my email or stealing my identity.





7 comments:

susan said...

How about staying in bed?
bed bugs
alarm clocks
suffocating
sleeping pills
rolling over and falling out
short circuiting sex aids

I guess we're not safe there either.

S.W. Anderson said...

Demeur, LOL, some day you're going to publish a cheerful, upbeat post, and my heart might not be able to stand the shock. Get yourself a cup of really good coffee, maybe a nice pastry or donuts to go with it. Put your feet up and enjoy the mild, beautiful weather before it all turns to cold, wet, windy crap. ;)

Demeur said...

Susan, only if I die in my sleep. And you forgot.
faulty electric blankets
being caught by a jealous husband/wife
home invasions
recalled bed frames

SW, with my luck the coffee would come complete with a tarantula and the donuts would be powdered with asbestos. Hey I consider myself a realist that's why I've made it this far.
Cold wet weather? We're in a record draught or haven't you noticed?

S.W. Anderson said...

Demeur, one extreme follows another. That's what happened here starting July 5th.

I need a favor. Please go to my blog and leave a comment on the newest post, ASAP. I've got a fairly new spam-fighting plugin that I fear is sending all comments to moderation, even though it's not supposed to. Thanks.

Bustednuckles said...

Stay away from Farmers Markets too, some hunnerd year old fart might run ya over.....

Randal Graves said...

You forgot rickets, scurvy, Klingons, and The Man.

Demeur said...

SW I tried leaving a comment yesterday but your bouncer wouldn't let me in.

Busted I forgot idiots on cell phones texting while driving too.

Randal you forgot Cybermen and Dalecks.