Saturday, August 15, 2009

The new Republican healthcare plan

Hot off the presses the republicans have come out with their plan. The new plan will first eliminate both Medicare and Medicade. They never liked those programs anyway. They wanted to let you know that their plan will take a while to put in force as they debate amongst themselves about the exact details and give the insurance companies more time to make even more obscene profits. Their plan will establish a new savings account for each and every American and to add to the fine plan the republicans will offer bonds and stamps just like during WWII. The stamps will be sold everywhere. Kids will be able to buy stamps at school and if they save enough they'll be able to turn those stamps into bonds. The bonds will be good for one year after which their value will be forfeited. Grandma will be delighted to know that she can by bonds and stamps at her local bank using what funds she has left in her savings. We'll also have an arangement with the bank where grandma can set up a reverse mortgage to pay for the bonds. Or she can charge them on her credit card. How convienent. And since social security is in trouble They'll just eliminate that pesky plan and save everybody that headache. And with the money we save there they'll just pop that money over to those banking executives that have done such great job a fixing the mortgage crisis. I think they all deserve a round of applause. Let's hear it for them.
The bond program wil be tied to a medical credit card program where grandma can use it at any hospital, clinic or doctors office. And the card will also be tied directly to grandma's reverse mortgage so there'll be no over the limit fees. That is until all of the equity in her home is used up. At which time she'll have finished her medical care program and be on her own. But then grandma will qualify for the republican safety net she'll get absolutely free a large blue tarp from the government but in order to qualify she must prove with all the right documentation that the bank did indeed take posession of the home she lived in for the last forty years. The tarp comes with full instructions on how to make a model shelter that her friends would envy. And where will grandma be staying? At the homeless camp of course with all her friends and neighbors. That is for at least 90 days until the city makes her move. She'll be delighted to have a new location around the city every three months. Who wouldn't get bored with the same scenery every day. If she's lucky that church in the upscale neighborhood just might agree to sponsor the camp once they fight their city hall. But don't get too comfortable there granny and don't get sick ever again because now no doctor will see you because they won't take a blue tarp as payment.


One Simple Tech said...

Nice Article!

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Tom Harper said...

There, now see, I just knew the Republicans would come up with a plan. If these hysterical Democrats and socialists would just settle down for a minute, the Republicans will be able to put this excellent well-thought-out plan into place. And thankfully, it doesn't involve any faceless government bureaucrats coming between Grandma and her doctor.

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

I can see this is really bugging you guys... so sad that it has to be that way! But I tell you, even if you get a politically and socially fair system, you will find out soon enough that you're insured for something which is anyway gonna kill you!

Talking about that... read your loead-post just below. There is something you can do about it, actually several things... but one of them is called EDTA - handles cardiological troubles at the same time - but one thing you shouldn't do is to trust the doctors!

Distributorcap said...

the republicans have always had a plan

it is called dont get sick unless you are rich

or rather

dont live in america unless you are rich

S.W. Anderson said...

I'm sure our increasing number of jobless, foreclosed and bankrupt citizen will rush to stuff money in their health savings account — the better to prove to Wall Street that Republicans remain the financial industry's bestest-ever friends in government.

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