Wednesday, July 18, 2012

News you can't use and could probably care less about


Sometimes the news becomes so predictable that you don't even have to read it. I throw up a template for your viewing pleasure. Don't forget to wash rinse and repeat.

Politics
(Fill in candidate's name here) slams (fill in opponents name) for (pick one or any of the following) 1. Corruption 2. Tax evasion 3. Slander 4. Morals charges 5. Lying... (okay think you get the picture)
(Senator/Congressman) after being caught in (restroom, motel room) had no comment to the (charges, accusations, rumors) of his (affair, tryst, relationship, encounter ) with (his intern, the stripper, the motel maid)

Crime (Always an attention getter if it bleeds it leads)
In (pick a city)(pick a state) The suspect (always include his/her middle name) was (shot, stabbed, strangled) to death from (self inflicted, by police, neighbor, estranged spouse) after a (domestic dispute, altercation, robbery of a (bank, connivence store, liquor store or mall shooting). The suspect was described as (quiet loner, disturbed with mental problems, a nice young/ old man/ woman) (well loved, unknown to his neighbors) And had (always, never) been in trouble with the law. Police are still searching for a motive.

Economy (Spin artists love this meat for fodder)
The markets are up today after dismal news about future economic forecasts. The DOW surged ahead on news several european nations may default on their debt. The price of oil made significant gains on news of a world economic slow down. Lay offs at (pick a tech firm) caused an uptick in the company's stock with only a glimmer of hope that fourth quarter earnings will be in positive territory. Employment figures came in as a positive note with (pick a positive number) jobs added for the month causing a concern that profit margins could not be met. In turn the markets dropped by (pick a percent) on the news.

Sports
After being arrested for DUI (pick a noted player) of the (and a team) has just (signed, been released) (to from) a (one year,multi year) contract that could be worth (think of an incomprehensible figure). The player had (no comment, expressed extreme remorse) when questioned about his actions. Said he will (work hard, take leave of absence) and hopes for a second chance to prove (himself/herself). Team (managers,owners) are (considering, mulling over, have reached of final decision) about what to do with (player's name).

Weather
A simple matter there of predicting just a bit less or more than the expected outcome. Or shall we label this the weather that wasn't quit what you expected? Let's face it they have a 50/50 chance. Either it rains or it doesn't. Here that's easy. Just predict rain and when it doesn't everybody's happy. Unless there's a long dry spell. Historically we only get about three weeks of sun here anyway. Get over it. Is there such a thing a extremely moderate?

3 comments:

Randal Graves said...

I love Mad Libs.

BBC said...

I sure wouldn't mind a long dry spell, I'm pretty sure I can find some fucking food somewhere to get through it.

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